ART: Acceptable Losses

I once read somewhere that for a US Army Airborne drop, the acceptable loss rate is 25%. What this means is that 1 in 4 people will be combat-ineffective by the time they hit the ground. Well guess what? Welcome to Operation: Life. You and your Company of Heroes, or some other phrase not trademarked by SEGA, can expect an attrition rate as high as 90%. Yes Jenny, it’s gonna be another heavy-hitting article.

It’s a simple fact of life that as you get older, you will lose more and more friends. Sometimes it will be your fault. Sometimes it won’t. Way back in 1st grade I met a guy, lets call him Columbia.  He was fucking great. Columbia was funny, intelligent, confident, considerate, athletic, and generally an all-around upstanding motherfucker. He was my first best-friend. At the end of 1st grade, he moved and got transferred to another elementary school. I was like “well fuck.” Years passed, I got new friends, but I never forgot him. Then came orientation for middle school. I knew we were both going to the same middle school, and a mutual friend who ran into Columbia even told me he asked about me. I figured we could pick right up where we left off and everything would be great.

I was wrong. It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t Columbia‘s, but you can’t just disappear for 5 years and expect everything to be the same. He became popular and successful and shit. Take a wild guess which university he’s going to right now. We were never became more than acquaintances after he left in 1st grade, but whenever we did talk, he never made me feel excluded, or inferior, or anything other than what I was. An old friend that got separated due to unfortunate circumstances. Even now, I hold Columbia in the highest regard as the best type of person that can exist. A real fucking quality individual. I’ve only ever met two people that could possibly compete with him. And I wish them all the success in the world.

On a larger scale, entire groups of friends fucking evaporated over the years. From elementary school to middle school, I lost about 80% of that group. Some moved across the country. Some started doing drugs. Some began to realize that girls probably didn’t have cooties or whatever the fuck they were called (wait seriously?” Yes Jennifer, it was elementary school. We were all young and stupid. Now we’re just stupid.) The transition to high school fared better. Until around Sophomore or Junior year. That group was never really stable because middle/high school guys, and even though we managed to stay together and play nice, it was a ticking time bomb. Kind of like the Middle East.

It’s funny. Humans are social creatures. Yet for the most part, they are fucking terrible at staying social. Ironically, my closest friend right now, one of the aforementioned quality individuals, is currently 300 miles away. I’ll do a character profile on him soon, but I digress.

Also, I distinctly remember two people reassuring me “if shit goes sideways, nothing will change. We will always be what we are now.”  I haven’t talked to either in years.

“Well this is all just fucking depressing.

Yeah Jenny. It is. Welcome to life. It sucks. For the most part, you are gonna be on your own. That’s just how it is. You will meet thousands of people and that’s all they will be. People. You will meet friends and realize that some of them, most of them, just don’t give a fuck. You can know a guy for years and then realize that he still doesn’t know the first fucking thing about you, and doesn’t want to find out. You can be the nicest fucking person and help out people, but when you need help, guess what. It’s just you. Because that’s all it has ever been. So all you can do is stand on your own, and if you do realize that you’ve found a quality individual, cherish the fuck out of them. Expect nothing from them so that all of the little things they end up doing will seem a thousand times greater.

Well shit. Sorry bout the double hitter but I promise these will lighten up a bit. For example, join me on Inauguration Day when I’ll explain why it’s the DNC’s fault Trump won, and how calling me a cocksucking homophobe is both ironic and unlikely to make me vote Democrat in the future.

Oh and about the title picture, here’s the youtube video.



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